Preferable
by schlaegt-links
Summary: [Standalone] Sometimes, denial is more preferable than the truth. MarcoDylan; MarcoSpinner


**Title:** Preferable

**Rating**: PG-13

**Fandom**: Degrassi

**Pairing**: Marco/Dylan; Marco/Spinner

**Summary**: Sometimes, denial is preferable to the truth.

**Disclaimer**: Don't know, don't own.  
  
**A/N**: The time periods in this story change a lot, but this (==) indicates a change in time(whether in the past or right after), so it shouldn't be too hard to follow.

=================================================================================================

Marco's upbringing had taught him total complacency to his parent's wishes, to obey his teachers and that his education was his foremost priority. But when it came to himself, he forgot what it was exactly that set him apart from the boy that sat in front of him in English or from anyone in his circle of friends. Friends - what exactly were they to Marco? A lot. They were the only things that Marco had chosen for himself, according to his rules and his preference. He would do anything for them whether they knew it was for their good or not.  
  
The words were stuck in his throat, both of their throats. Marco's eyes were immediately downcast, his teeth clenched – _"Wha- what did I just say?", _knowing all too well what words had been inadvertently thrown in the direction of Spinner. More importantly, it seemed was _why_ Marco had told him, rather than what. Marco was Spinner's friend, and that fact validated every second in this situation. Friends tell each other the truth. But Spinner didn't like the truth, fuck; he definitely did not like the truth. All he really wanted was for Marco to have a girlfriend so he wouldn't have to deal with the truth. So he wouldn't have to question everything that their friendship was based on. Spinner didn't quite know what attracted him to Marco (in the most platonic sense of the word, of course) in the first place. He was funny, charming and inherently amicable. Spinner couldn't understand why a girl hadn't already put her grubby little paws on him already. Oh right, Ellie, the pseudo-goth chick who held a grudge against Paige and her group of friends. Spinner wasn't clueless, contrary to popular belief: he knew Marco was bullshitting through his perfect white teeth when he claimed that he and Ellie were going out. But Spinner wasn't ready to even consider the thought that Marco was anything but straight. Marco couldn't be fag.  
  
Marco didn't know what to think when he caught himself glancing at the male actor's bare chest in the theaters instead of the scantily-clad heroine engaging in some kind of dance (mating?) that supposedly cost $150 plus tax per hour. Marco couldn't figure out exactly what was so enticing about her. But him. The ragged breathing, the hands off screen - met by furious blushing, and looking down at tightly entwined fingers. Marco said no. He had to. It was imprinted within every fiber of his conscious mind, urgently whispering no, no, no. This was forbidden territory that he had never been acquainted with, only mentioned in disgust by his parents once or twice on occasion and the taunts of the upperclassmen in the locker room when they caught the eyes of another boy while dressing. Fag. Marco was a fag.

=================================================================================================

****

What exactly was going through the other's mind at that moment? Marco would give anything to know. To know what had gone through the other boy's mind when he pressed his lips to his, when they pulled away, half in awe, half in urgency. The same urgency that had brought them together in the first place. Spinner couldn't look the dark-haired boy in the eyes, those pretty eyes that elicited so many emotions that they had both fought to ignore. What was he doing? He was at his girlfriend's house for fuck's sake - if he was going to swap spit with someone, it should be with Paige, a girl, not Marco, not a boy. A knock on the door sends them both a foot into the air, and a yard away from each other -  
  
"What are you guys doing? We've got the movie and popcorn ready, done sucking face yet?"  
  
Paige giggles at her little joke, and turns the knob. Spinner sees his exit and quickly takes advantage of it.  
  
"Coming, Paige. We're just finishing up this chapter - you know - uh, factoring polynomials."  
  
Fading footsteps indicated that the blonde-haired threat had retreated back to Hazel and the chick-flick that Spinner had protested against. Spinner quickly gathers his books and shoves them into his bag as fast as humanly possible.  
  
"Spinner, I..."  
  
He ignores the feeble attempt. Spinner continues on with his rapid actions as if Marco had never spoken. Green chemistry notebook, lucky tri-colored pen, can't forget that -  
  
"Fuck Spinner, you can't act like nothing happened!"  
  
So the boy was bent on making a scene. If he wanted a scene, he sure as hell was going to get one.  
  
"Nothing DID happen! If you didn't know, you have a boyfriend that happens to be my girlfriend's brother! It's just like you fags to-"  
  
"Fuck you, Spinner! I think it's you that needs to do a little thinking, because I know I'm gay, and as for you...I really can't say anything for you."  
  
"What? Are you saying I'm like you?" Spinner shouts defiantly, because Spinner, with a girlfriend could not possibly be gay. Marco sighs. He is well accustomed to recognize when logic doesn't work anymore - Spinner's argumentative tactics defy logic.  
  
"All I'm saying, Spinner, is what happened a few minutes ago was not experimentation. And I should know - I've been doing it for most of my life."  
  
Spinner had no adequate answer or a biting comment mainly because he couldn't think of one that would suit this predicament he had gotten himself into. What could he say? Nothing would change the fact that he had been the one that initiated the kiss, the ones that leaned in towards Marco, the one that had first overstepped the boundary of friendship. But Marco, being the person he was, didn't use this piece of vital information against Spinner, for all Spinner would was deny it. And denial was sometimes more preferable than the truth.

****

=================================================================================================

Marco was not entirely sure what had happened between him and Spinner. Spinner's subtle contempt for Marco's "lifestyle", as he called it, was always apparent, but nowadays Spinner had become almost curious about his relationship with Dylan and their level of intimacy. During lunch, Craig, Jimmy, Spinner and Marco sat together, talking of their latest sexual conquests with their respective girlfriends. Marco always remained silent during these conversations, observing how _male_ his friends were - unabashedly praising themselves for their charms and unadulterated good looks. But this conversation was different. Spinner had turned to Marco and asked-  
  
"So, um, what do you and Dylan, like, do?"  
  
Marco looked up from his lunch, detected a cheap shot and retorted.  
  
"Fuck you."  
  
He watched Spinner's flustered reaction and he seemed to be genuinely confused by the misdirected antagonism.  
  
"But - I just wanted to know, I mean, I wasn't going to make fun of you or anything."  
  
Marco felt sheepish. He really did want to know. But was he really to blame? Jimmy and Craig both turned to Marco and also encouraged him to answer - "Yeah, come on, tell us." Marco played with his food for a second and then swallowed.  
  
"Well, we kiss and stuff ... uh, that's it-"  
  
"No," interjected Spinner, as he leaned closer, "what do two guys _do_?"  
  
"SPINNER!" shouted all three in unison. Marco bit his lip in amusement; Spinner had truly been curious, dare he even consider - interested? The bell rung and they had dispersed to their classes - Marco walked towards his Physics classroom when Spinner came up behind him and took hold of his wrist.  
  
"Get off - Jesus, Spinner, a simple 'excuse me' would've sufficed."  
  
"No, Marco, I just wanted to say that I didn't mean to insult you back there - I mean, I just wanted to know, I didn't mean to embarrass you or anything, like ..." Spinner was rambling, and that usually confirmed his sincerity.  
  
"It's ... okay, Spin. Go to class."  
  
Spinner shot him a grateful smile and bounded down the hallways to his next class. Marco rolled his eyes and shook his head. Spinner could be such a child.

****

=================================================================================================

Dylan pushed Marco up against the wall and began to kiss Marco feverishly, biting his lower lip and leaving incriminating red marks on his neck.  
  
"Geez, Dylan. What's up?" gasped Marco, not minding the extra attention at all.  
  
"Fuck, Marco you smell so good - nice to know that you shower every day. I've been waiting all day to see you..." Dylan stopped and look down at Marco, "Didja miss me?" he asked playfully, encircling Marco's waist with his arms.  
  
"Yeah ... hey, you know what Spinner asked me today?"  
  
Dylan leaned down, "No," kissed Marco again, "what did he say? Something homophobic, pig-headed or ignorant?"  
  
"He's not _that_ bad, Dylan. Besides, get this: he asked me what two guys do when they're together. And it wasn't some asshole comment either - he really wanted to know."  
  
Dylan pulled away form Marco, his eyes sparkling with mischief.  
  
"Yeah, I always thought Spinner was a bit repressed, if you know what I mean. Kept my mouth shut though - Paige would be heartbroken and accuse me of stealing her boyfriend. And you know me, I couldn't allow such an allegation, you know, with my conscience and all."  
  
Marco stifled laughter. Spinner, gay? The two words even juxtaposed together seemed too much of an obvious paradox that Marco pushed the thought away. Dylan noticed his troubled gaze and inquired, "You okay?" and Marco quickly snapped out of his daydream, whatever it was to focus more attention on the aesthetic figure in front of him. Marco wasn't quite sure why Spinner remained on his mind and would not leave; it was true that Spinner had been his closest friends before he told him he was gay and that had caused a huge rift. At first, Marco wasn't quite sure why he had to tell Spinner - but Spinner must have definitely suspected something, otherwise he wouldn't have forced Hazel onto him so adamantly.  
  
Suspicion was almost as strong as actually knowing, maybe even more so - because it kept eating away at Spinner. What _if _Marco was gay and _if _he fucking was, how could he remain friends with him? They were total opposites and it seemed impossible that such two different people could become good friends. Spinner was a slob; Marco would have an aneurism if his bed was left unmade for a day. Spinner did his Algebra homework due Tuesday on Wednesday; Marco did his the Wednesday the week before. Spinner had a hard time getting Paige; Marco was fighting off (blowing off) the ladies. Ironic, actually. Marco smiled into his kiss with Dylan. Spinner, a repressed fag? Ha.  
  
** [ende]**


End file.
